Culture Shock

If I may share a personal experience, I always feel a bit of a conflict when I go home for the holidays. Being from central Pennsylvania, I often experience a small amount of culture shock when I return home from New York or my previous residence in Ann Arbor, Michigan. I wouldn’t exactly say that the people in central PA are cultural troglodytes compared to my peers in New York or Michigan, but I definitely set my expectations high for my friends and family in terms of political correctness and sensitivity around issues of social identity.

So the first incident happened while I was driving to a gay club with my friends, who are all hetero-identified. One of my closest friends, K, commented that she was glad another friend, A, was going with us to the club because, “That way [K] won’t be the only dyke-y looking one there.” I was more than a little jarred by K’s language, but not as much as A who was also in the car at the time and was far from happy with the comparison. After seeing A’s reaction, K apologized for offending her, and I didn’t say anything about K’s choice of language because the atmosphere was already uncomfortable enough. At least, that was how I rationalized my decision at the time.

The other, much less incendiary comment that I heard while at home was made by my older step-brother. Truthfully, I don’t remember what warranted the remark (football?), but he called someone or something on the television “queer”. I didn’t say anything, and no one else seemed to react, though I think my mother was a little uncomfortable if only because I was in the room. My lack of response, I think, came from my natural aversion to confrontation as well as the fact that I don’t know my step-brother very well since I only see him one or two days a year.

So these are both clearly examples of individual-level, vocal acts of homophobia, though I would hesitate to call either my friend or my step-brother actively “homophobic” since I know them fairly well. As I continue to think about these comments, I’m increasingly unnerved by the lack of reactions from the people who were around me at the time. But, of course, I did not show much of a reaction either, so is it really my place to admonish my friends and family? I guess, I don’t think I should always have to defend myself, and I consider my peers to be at a level where they should be able to confront or intervene in the overt instances as well. For example, my mother has told me about how she will not put up with homophobic language at her office, and she will even throw my name out as a reason why she is personally upset by certain words. Nonetheless, I realize this is an area for me to work on. I think that if I was to vocally express how such language affects me, like my mother does at work, it would provide more of an incentive for my friends and family to confront instances both when I am present and when I’m not. In fact, it makes me wonder how often my friends or my extended family say things when I’m not around, and if they are reining it in while I’m in the room or the car or whatever.

Taking my weekend at home as a whole, I guess I feel a little uncomfortable when I’m out of my usual, safe, very gay and gay-friendly milieu. The context of homophobia is certainly worth considering when looking at one’s decision to confront or not to confront certain overt acts.

Obligatory School-Related Post

I’ve been determined since undertaking this project to find heterosexist microaggressions in the school. And, (un?)fortunately, I’m coming up a little dry. I think part of it, honestly, is that the School of Social Work lives up to its reputation to being an environment of social justice. I think maybe a bigger part may be that I’ve sort of trained myself not to notice microaggressions. It’s uncomfortable for me to encounter and process them, and, not to psychoanalyze myself too much, I think I use it as a defense mechanism so that I can go on liking my school and my classmates.

That said, I’m noticing that on an interpersonal level it’s difficult for me to relate to a lot of my predominantly heterosexual and female classmates. I think it’s because there are bi-directional expectations at work based on gender on sexuality. On one hand, I feel like classmates are expecting me to fulfill gay male stereotypes about mannerisms, behavior, and dating. On the other hand, I expect them to have those expectations, so it stands out to me when I think they are acting in accordance with that. In short: they expect me to be Will, I expect them to be Grace. Those feelings aside, I would have to be completely oblivious not to notice all of the talk about boyfriends and husbands and hetero-relationships that, kind of inexplicably, makes me feel left out.

In the classroom, the most common theme I notice is the assumption of heterosexuality in any sort of therapeutic vignette or hypothetical situation. Whenever discussing the case of a gay person, it’s always explicitly stated, but if it is not then the client is always presumed to be heterosexual. Which, I think, is fair of the students to think that since it might not be a client population they have had much experience with. Still, it doesn’t take the professor much time or energy to mention sexuality and the similar or varying implications for a client depending on her or his orientation.

Mention of “gay issues” in classes is a double-edged sword. It needs to be there, but when it does get mentioned, I always feel like attention is directed at me and that it’s my responsibility to say something. Part of that is because I’m located at a gay agency, but I don’t think that’s why I feel an expectation to give my homo-sanction to the discussion. I find myself worrying a lot if these feelings I have are unfounded and are simply a result of some kind of heterosexist minority threat. I will say, though, that I think I can make a completely tenable claim that there is little LGBT-related material in the overall curriculum. Cultural competence is (somewhat) discussed with respect to race and ethnicity and gender, but there is nothing I have been taught about considerations for LGBT clients. Every day I’m at SAGE I think, what on earth would this be like for a straight student who has had no experience with gay people? And, because of this gap in the curriculum, I feel like my experiences are not always applicable to lessons or class discussions. I know the gay students are starting to sound like broken records at the school, but there is really a disservice to both gay and straight students in the area of queer ally building.

I guess that’s a lot of talking without a concrete, recent example for the portfolio. So here is one from a week or two ago that I’ll let speak for itself:

Student: Where is your field placement?

Mike: Oh, at an agency that provides counseling for gay elders.

Student: Oh…[voice going up an octave] Oh, that’s great!

Okay, I won’t let it speak for itself. Students should not be uncomfortable at the mere thought of gay people! ARGH.

(Not So Cont-)Rite Aid

"Animus in the Aisles"

The link goes to an article from the D.C. based Metro Weekly. They report an incident where two men were kicked out of a Rite Aid Pharmacy after displaying some affection and receiving a look from the store manager. The corporate offices (which are near my hometown in central Pennsylvania) declined to comment, and there has not been any further comment from the Rite Aid employees involved.

Clearly the motive for the security guard asking the couple to leave cannot be one hundred percent ascertained from the article, but it seems safe to say that he and/or the manager acted out of some discomfort over the couple’s public affection. Additionally, the couple’s friend was in the store and he was not asked to leave with them, so it’s not like the store was closing or anything. It seems like this is an instance of overt, individual level homophobia. I think that the public reaction would be limited, and I certainly have not heard a lot of press about this story. The couple is black, too, but there is no mention of possible racist motives in their ejection from the store. There is no doubt in my mind that if the couple was white and wealthy and lived somewhere other than Silver Spring, Maryland that there would be (slightly) more press on the subject. Even with these acts of seemingly explicit homophobia, race is a huge factor in how widely the story is promulgated. I think of the differences in reactions following the hate-motivated murder of Matthew Shepard, who was white and from Wyoming, than the more recent hate-motivated murder of Michael Sandy, who was black and from Brooklyn. Not that this particular instance of homophobia is comparable to either of these examples, but it seems that the significance attached to certain hate crimes is inexorably linked to race.

With all of that said, to be completely honest, I don’t have a strong reaction to the posted article. I’m not surprised that it happened mostly because I think it could happen (and does happen) anywhere. I typically feel myself more incensed by stories of either more harmful acts of individual homophobia or by instances of institutional homophobia that operate through more discursive means. Getting kicked out of a Rite Aid is, I can’t help but feel, par for the course. Until positive change is made on a cultural level, these instances of homophobia will keep happening and it's difficult to get outraged over each one. If the victims were more similar to me in terms of location or race, I might have a stronger identification and a stronger reaction to it. I suppose I'm only implicating myself in bemoaning the lack of outrage over acts like this. I think, though, that there is room for dialogue on the role of race and class in homophobic actions and how these social identities interact with community and cultural (non)reactions to discrimination.

Younger Than Springtime

Aging and Gay, and Facing Prejudice in Twilight

The linked Times article was actually published earlier in the month, but seeing how it is so relevant to emerging issues of homophobia and how it was the partly impetus for me choosing this topic area, I thought it should be included. In addition, I’m currently completing my field placement at SAGE, an organization for gay elders, many of whom are facing difficulties like those mentioned in the article. In brief, Gross gives a picture of gay and lesbian individuals living in nursing homes and assisted living facilities. Many of these elders experience a “re-closeting” of sorts, meaning that they hide their sexuality in order to avoid derision from staff and other residents.

What makes the issue so affecting, outside of my personal work in this area, is that it really covers so many aspects of homophobia and heterosexism. These elders receive discrimination at a micro-level, in the form of insults from other residents and staff members wearing gloves at inappropriate times. Moreover, there is institutional discrimination within the homes, as evidenced by the moving of gay residents to dementia units so in order to assuage the anxieties of the other residents. There is also an enormous cultural devaluing of the elderly, and gay elders have little or no representation in any media. I know that the (front page!) publication of this article helped to increase visibility, and I spoke with about a dozen friends and family members who read the article and were outraged at the treatment received by these individuals.

I think, or at least I would hope, that the overall public reaction to these sorts of issues would be that of anger or shock. It’s surprising because, even though agencies like SAGE have been around for several years, sexuality among the elderly just does not get discussed on a cultural level. Particularly regarding nursing homes, there are already so many issues of overlooking the needs of the elderly that such a consideration almost seems superfluous. I think that continued press on the experiences of gay elders can only result in augmented efforts and increased understanding of their needs.

Especially because many of the instances of homophobia mentioned are overt and based on unambiguous discrimination, it is easier to document and report such experiences in the media. Without a doubt, much of the press on gay issues goes to same-gender marriage, politics, and issues relevant to youth, which I think reflects what we consider worthwhile under the spectrum of “gay issues”. Hence, being able to affect widespread positive change in the daily interactions of and microagressions against these gay residents may take a long time. Until then, I think we can do our job to increase awareness and give support to LGBT aging projects that are already working against homophobia and heterosexism.